If you're going to torpedo your diet, you might as well go down in a blaze of glory - and that's exactly what Gina Linetti does with wild abandon in Brooklyn Nine-Nine when she whips out a Sloppy Jessica. Please don't make this - like I'm not gonna stop you, but you honestly shouldn't eat this. But maybe though.




  • Ancho chilis (3-4 depending on size)
  • 2 tsp cumin
  • 2 tsp ground coriander
  • 2 tsp paprika
  • 1-2 canned chipotles in adobo (depending on heat preference)
  • 1 lb ground beef
  • 1 small onion, diced
  • 2 cloves of garlic
  • 1 can diced tomatoes
  • Salt
  • Pepper


Red Sauce

  • 1 small diced onion
  • Olive oil
  • 1-2 cloves of garlic
  • 1 can pureed tomatoes
  • 1 can diced tomatoes
  • Dried oregano
  • 1 sprig of basil
  • Salt
  • Pepper


Mac and cheese

  • 1 box ziti noodles
  • 3 Tbsp butter
  • 3 Tbsp flour
  • 3 cups of whole milk
  • Dried mustard
  • Hot sauce
  • 1 lb grated yellow cheddar cheese
  • 4-5 ounces of grated parmesan
  • Salt
  • Pepper


Other Ingredients

  • Mozzarella cheese
  • French bread



  1. Begin by toasting your ancho chilis until they just barely start to smoke and then place in boiling water for 10 minutes.
  2. In a blender add the chilis and water along with 2 tsp each of cumin, ground coriander seed, paprika, and 1-2 canned chipotles in adobo sauce (depending on your heat preference) and blend together.
  3. In a pan, brown 1 pound of ground beef. Once browned, remove from the pan. Put a chopped onion and 2 cloves of minced garlic into the pan to cook in the beef fat. Once fragrant and translucent, add ancho chili mixture, 1 can of diced tomatoes, and the ground beef. Stir to combine, season with salt and pepper, and set aside.


Mac and Cheese

  1. Cook 1 box of ziti noodles in a large pot. Once cooked, drain pasta and set aside.
  2. In the same pot whisk together 3 Tbsp flour and 3 Tbsp butter. Once combined, slowly add 3 cups of whole milk. Mix and scrape sides until everything is fully combined. Also add 1 Tbsp of ground mustard and a little bit of hot sauce.
  3. Add 1 pound of grated yellow cheddar cheese along with 4-5 ounces of grated parmesan cheese and mix until fully melted and combined.
  4. Add the pasta to the mix and stir until fully combined. Season with salt and pepper and set aside.


Red Sauce

  1. In a pan, heat some olive oil before adding 1 small chopped onion and cook for a few minutes until soft and translucent. Add 1-2 cloves of garlic and cook briefly.
  2. Add a 50:50 mix of diced and pureed tomatoes along with a few pinches of dried oregano and 1 sprig of basil. Simmer for 45 minutes to an hour or until mixture has slightly thickened.
  3. Season with salt and pepper, and set aside.


Assembling the Sloppy Jessica

  1. Cut french bread in half lengthwise. Add mozzarella cheese on both halves, topped with the red sauce, more mozzarella and some grated parmesan.
  2. Place in a 425°F oven until cheese is melted.
  3. Combine your mac and cheese with your chili and mix together to make chili mac.
  4. Remove french bread from oven and top with chili mac mixture.
  5. Fold bread in half to make sandwich. Cut in half. Serve and enjoy!