Episode Rankings

By popular demand, here’s every fête of fiction from BwB, ranked from downright delicious to disturbingly disgusting. From the highest highs of Chef and Big Night to the lowest lows of Elf and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, consult this list the next time you’re looking for a sumptuous feast to woo your dinner guests — or revolting repast to serve your worst enemy.

 

1.

Pasta Aglio e Olio from Chef

This unassuming pasta dish is the very embodiment of ‘deceptively simple’, ‘greater than the sum of its parts’, ‘88% of the iceberg is below the water’.  Seven simple ingredients come together to invigorate the senses, exceed expectations, and ignite sexual passion for Jon Favreau.

2.

Cubanos from Chef

Two dishes from the same film, occupying positions 1 and 2 on the same top 10 list?  Blasphemy!  But no amount of formatting can get around the unavoidable truth that this mojo-marinated, plancha-pressed, butter-basted masterpiece deserves its spot near the top.

3.

Moistmaker Thanksgiving Sandwich from Friends

Sure, I may have taken some liberties in the preparation of Ross's would-be lunchtime treat, but the addition of a gravy-soaked slice of bread in the center of a thanksgiving leftovers sandwich is nothing short of a revelation.  Guard diligently.

4.

Il Timpano from Big Night

Timpano holds its esteemed position on this list not so much for its substance but for its spectacle.  You could achieve the same flavors in a semi-complicated lasagna, but it wouldn’t produce the same awe-inspiring results, nor the ooh’s and ahh’s of your dinner guests.  Its completion marks an important moment in BwB history, a moment when I would have totally given up making the show if it had failed.

5.

Reverse-Seared Ribeye

I’m going to be honest — I don’t like it when men close their eyes out of enjoyment.  It makes me uncomfortable.  That being said, there isn’t anything quite so eye-closingly satisfying as a properly cooked, dry-aged, bone-in, reverse-seared, butter-basted, appropriately rested, and lovingly plated ribeye.  Close your eyes as you’re chewing all you want fellas.

6.

Poutine on the Ritz Burger from Bob's Burgers*

This burger, to me, seemed like a gimmick at first.  A mishmash of ingredients for the sake of a pun.  It turned out to be so much more than that, however — squeaky cheese curds atop a flavorful burger, drenched in gravy and sprinkled with cracker crumbs, bringing a pleasantly surprising crunch to the burger if eaten quickly.  And make no mistake, you will eat it quickly. (*Patreon only)

7.

World's Greatest Sandwich from Spanglish

The world’s greatest sandwich lives up to its namesake, to a degree, elevating the common BLT to a new and exciting echelon.  It’s somehow far more satisfying when you’ve baked the bread yourself — it might be laborious and time consuming, but never in your life have you ever felt more like you really made that sandwich.

8.

Milk Steak from It's Always Sunny (Babish Version)

Adapting Charlie Kelly’s favorite dish to something more palatable was no mean feat — milk and steak, despite coming from the same animal, couldn’t be more opposing in flavor and purpose.  A milk braise and bacon gravy, however, made this short rib delicacy into something I can wholeheartedly recommend.

9.

Prison Sauce from Goodfellas

Unquestionably one of the greatest scenes in food-cinema history, Goodfellas’ prison sauce almost makes us wish we were locked up in the joint with Paulie, Vinny, and Henry.  Every bit as classically Italian-American as its source material, this bright, herbaceous, meaty sauce will quell even the most psychotic, murderous gangster.

10.

Boeuf Bourguignon from Julie and Julia

Boeuf Bourguignon had to be on my top 10 list — it’s my favorite dish for chrissakes!  Julia’s version is slightly dated — there are better and more efficient ways to whip up this French classic, but it’s undeniable that this is some deeply, profoundly tasty stew.

50.

Chocolate Salty Balls from South Park (Chef’s Version)

Boozy, bready, and mysteriously un-salted, the recipe in Chef’s grammy-award-winning hit, when followed to the letter, is a resounding disappointment.  It’s true what they say: show a man how to bake a cookie, he eats for a day.  Show a man how to write a song about eating a cookie, and he gives up on this joke because it’s stupid.

51.

Moon Waffles from The Simpsons (Homer Simpson Version)

Homer Simpson’s Moon Waffles don’t quite live up to their name — drenched in campfire-like smoke, soaked in butter, and wrapped in sticky burnt caramels, these are best left in the fictional world from whence they came.

52.

Carol’s Beet and Acorn Cookies from The Walking Dead

Yet another prime example of food stylists having more say than food consultants, Carol’s Beet and Acorn cookies make no culinary sense.  They’re full of cacao nibs and beets, yet they come out damned near white-ish pink?  And newsflash — canned beets, no matter how much you cook them, just aren’t sweet.  Sorry Carol, stick to killing zombies and intimidating children.

53.

Breakfast Dessert Pasta from Elf

A movie food as shamelessly gross as it sounds, the dessert-breakfast-pasta from Elf is even more gag-inducing to eat as it is to watch.  That is, unless you’re stoned, twelve years old, and on an episode of My Weird Addiction, and you’re addicted to bizarre food combinations.

54.

Milk Steak from It's Always Sunny (Charlie Version)

Slimy, milky, beefy.  Three adjectives that should never be on the same page, let alone the same sentence.  Steak boiled in milk looks, feels, sounds, smells, and tastes gross.  Don’t try this at home, unless you’re masochistically trying to punish all five of your senses for enjoying themselves too much lately.