This week we return, once again, to the seemingly bottomless pit of pop culture food parody that is The Simpsons. Never one to shy away from making fun of McDonalds, America's favorite family now grapples with an otherworldly force known as the 'Ribwich'. I was going to make a "rib" patty, like they would in a fast food context, but I'm just getting out from under the flu and didn't want to. I'm sorry.



Dry Rub

  • 1 cup dark brown sugar

  • 1 Tbsp chili powder

  • 1 tsp dry mustard

  • ½ tsp cayenne pepper

  • 1 tsp smoked paprika

  • 1 tsp garlic powder

  • 1 tsp paprika

  • Salt

  • Pepper

Wet Rub

  • 1 cup mustard

  • ¼ cup ketchup

  • ¼ cup liquid smoke

Barbecue Sauce

  • ½ onion, grated

  • 3 cloves garlic, crushed

  • Vegetable oil

  • 1 Tbsp chili powder

  • 1 cup ketchup

  • 2-3 Tbsp molasses

  • 2 Tbsp dijon mustard

  • 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

  • 1 tsp cayenne pepper

  • 2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar

  • 2 tsp smoked paprika

Everything Else

  • Ribs

  • Buns

  • ½ onion, chopped

  • Pickles, chopped

  • 6 bags lapsang tea

  • 1 beer

  • Aluminum foil


  1. Start by preparing your dry rub by combining all of the dry rub ingredients and whisking them to combine. Set aside.

  2. Next, prepare your wet rub by combining 4 parts mustard to 1 part ketchup along with 1 part liquid smoke. Whisk to combine and then set aside.

  3. Using a paper towel, remove the membrane from the back of all the ribs and then coat each side first with the wet rub and then with the dry rub. Once ribs are nicely coated, wrap them together in plastic wrap and place them in the fridge for 8-24 hours.

  4. Remove the ribs from the fridge, and take off the plastic wrap. Place the ribs on a baking sheet and put in the freezer for 45 minutes.

  5. Preheat oven to 500°F.

  6. Add the contents of 6 bags of lapsang tea to a baking sheet and the place a wire rack on top. Remove the ribs from the freezer and place on the wire rack. Cover the ribs and the baking sheet with aluminum foil. Tightly cover and make sure smoke can’t get out.

  7. Cook for 30 minutes before removing the pan, lowering the heat to 250°F, and pouring a beer into the corner of the baking sheet. Place back in the oven for 1 ½ hours.

  8. During the last 30 minutes of cooking, make a simple barbecue sauce by heating some vegetable oil over medium heat and then adding all the ingredients of the barbeque sauce. Whisk to combine and then let sit on a low heat to stay warm.

  9. Remove the ribs from the oven when they are done cooking, and coat one side with your homemade bbq sauce. Place under a broiler for 5-7 minutes or until brown and caramelized. Do the same to the other side of the ribs.

  10. Remove the bones from the ribs and now it’s time to plate up. Add the ribs to the bun and top with more barbecue sauce. Top with diced onion and pickles. Serve and enjoy!