Springfield beckons us, once again, into the jaws of culinary madness with this unfortunate take on middle-American cuisine: cheeto, root beer, and hot dog noodles. Normally Bart's favorite, after an encounter with a wealthy doppelgänger, it becomes the subject of revulsion by the normally-sugar-addled youth. Can we make this dish not only edible, but desirable to the likes of Simon Woosterfield?

Ingredients

Root Beer-Braised Short Ribs Ingredients: 

  • 5-6 bone-in short ribs

  • As needed kosher salt 

  • As needed freshly ground black pepper

  • 1 Tbsp vegetable oil 

  • 1 large yellow onion, chopped

  • 3 medium carrots, peeled + chopped

  • 2 celery stalks, chopped

  • 3 Tbsp tomato paste

  • 4 cloves garlic, crushed

  • ¼ Cup soy sauce

  • 1 ½ Cups root beer

  • 3-4 Cup chicken stock 

  • 5-6 sprigs fresh thyme 

  • 3 stems parsley (leaves included)

Cheeto Pasta Dough Ingredients:

  • 5 ½ oz all-purpose flour

  • 1 ½ oz masa 

  • ½ oz cheddar cheese powder 

  • ⅛ tsp MSG

  • 5 oz eggs

Cheeto Root Beer Noodles Ingredients:

  • As needed water

  • 1 Tbsp kosher salt

  • 1 Cup reserved braising liquid

  • Braised Short Ribs 

  • Cheeto Pasta

  • 2 Tbsp unsalted butter

  • 1 cheeto, grated

Method

Serves: 2-4

Root Beer-Braised Short Ribs Method:

  1. Preheat the oven to 275 °F with convection fan.

  2. Season the short ribs with salt and pepper on all sides. 

  3. Heat a large dutch oven or high-sided skillet over medium-high heat. Add the oil to the skillet to preheat. 

  4. Add the onion to the skillet and cook until tender, about 3-4 minutes. Then, add the carrots, celery, and garlic and cook for an additional 2-3 minutes. 

  5. Add the tomato paste to the vegetable mixture and stir to combine, cook for 1 minute.

  6. Place the short ribs on top of the vegetables, bone-side up. 

  7. Pour in the soy sauce, root beer, and just enough chicken stock to come about ¾ of the way up the sides of the short ribs. 

  8. Add the thyme and parsley to the cooking liquid, then place the uncovered skillet in the preheated oven.

  9. Braise the short ribs for 3-4 hours, checking periodically for doneness. Halfway through cooking, flip the short ribs to expose the meat side. If the liquid becomes too shallow, add more chicken stock as necessary. 

  10. Once the meat is fork-tender, remove the short ribs from the braising liquid and keep warm until ready to serve. 

  11. Strain and reserve all of the cooking liquid for the pasta sauce.

Cheeto Pasta Dough Method:

  1. Combine flour, cheddar dust, salt, and eggs in a food processor. 

  2. Process for 60 seconds until the dough ball forms. Remove the dough from the processor and form it into a ball. 

  1. Wrap the dough tightly and rest for a minimum of 1 hour at room temperature or up to overnight in the fridge. 

  2. Using a pasta roller, work in batches to roll out the dough. Start on the widest setting and decrease the size by two settings with every roll. Roll until the dough reaches the second thinnest setting (or to your preference). 

  3. Cut into long strips about 6 to 8 mm thick.

Cheeto Root Beer Noodles Method:

  1. Fill a large high-sided skillet or pot with water. Season the water with salt and bring it to a boil.

  2. Meanwhile, prepared a large skillet with the braising liquid and short ribs. Bring the mixture to a bare simmer. Cook until slightly thickened.

  3. Add the cheeto pasta and cook for 1-2 minutes or until al dente.

  4. Using tongs, transfer the cooked pasted directly in the pan with the preheated sauce. Turn off the heat and finish the pasta with the butter. Toss the pasta to coat and season to taste with kosher salt, if necessary.

  5. Serve immediately with a garnish of grated cheeto.